I have. It's on heavy rotation on TLC and when I'm not watching House Hunters, I'm watching Honey Boo Boo so I see it a lot. It is my nemesis. It haunts me. It has permanently permeated my mind grapes - because, I can't find the damn things anywhere! I've checked the grocery store, at the register and the special candy section I normally refuse to go to because my daughter has yet to learn of it's existence. I've checked the drug store where they've conveniently placed the candy aisle in front of the condom aisle (take note, people smarter than you figured out these two things should go together!). I've even called, yes done actual phone research, specialty candy stores in Los Angeles. All to no avail.
L.A. is like that. We make great entertainment. You can't beat the weather. Lots of beaches, sure. But our food situation is seriously messed up. You've probably heard that the bread out here is awful because our water is too dense (or not dense enough, I never remember). It's why we can't get pizza or bagels right no matter how hard we try and instead have to pretend to be excited by places that make artisan versions of these things: "One brick oven thin crust arugula and swiss pizza, please." When what you're really thinking is I'd slit your throat if I thought you had a Ray's Original slice back there somewhere.
My husband, while healthy, is a lover of food. He tells stories about food the same way other people tell stories about vacations they went on or favorite uncles they've lost. He has often stated that a really good buffet spread is where he is a Viking.
So L.A's inadequacies in the food department are particularly hard on him. And no where is it felt more than when we order Chinese, because, and brace yourself, here in Los Angeles, there is no duck sauce. None. No where. Not in China Town, not in a bottle at the market, not from a recipe on Pinterest (maybe the L.A. water Fs it up). You just can not get Duck Sauce, which is imperative for good Chinese, in Los Angeles.
So this year for his birthday, I am starting a campaign amongst our New York City friends a la It Could Happen to You, but instead of sending us a dollar would you please send us your tiny packets of takeout duck sauce?
It's short notice, only three weeks, but if you're anything like we were when we lived near good Chinese food that's at least 8 meals, plus the one egg roll order you got after your drinks meeting, so that should roughly net out to 3,126 packets of duck sauce. Can't you spare a a few for some poor sauce-deprived folks out in earthquake country?
Your generosity knows no bounds readers! We are awash in duck sauce! But particular thanks has to go out to the in-laws:
That's right, an entire box of Duck Sauce! We could host a Duck Sauce wrestling night. We could coat a slip-n-slide in Duck Sauce and have hours of fun for the whole family. We could string the packets of Duck Sauce end to end, back light it, and blind passerby cars with their luscious golden hue.
We cannot thank you enough reader friends. Who has the best blog readers in the whole wide world?! I do!
This was what was in the other box my husband got that day, so maybe he'd be into that wrestling night thing...