FAQsQ: Are you going to friend Nelson on Facebook?
A: No, Nelson isn't on Facebook. And he knows why!
Q: Did you get your phone back?
A: XXX the a XXXXXX! XXX to XXXX is to XXXX XXX XXXXXXX XXX. XXX are XXXXXX be XXXX, XXXX. (Response redacted by law enforcement).
Q: Do you care about anyone but yourself?
A: Of course! Write me and I will respond, unless you're a dick.
Q: Will you ever take a Disney Cruise again?
A: My kid has already booked her next three spring breaks on a Disney cruise and will be studying under the Disney Princess fellowship this fall.
Q: Do you know how to use the app "Find my Iphone"?
A: Seriously?! Of course I tried this. On a ship though, you have no cell or internet service, so you shut everything down to avoid those costly roaming and data charges we've all read 1000 blog entries about. It was on airplane mode and was essentially a small kindle device. There was no way to track it, until someone decided to turn it all on and download their photos. Come on Honoluluguy56!
Q: Will you you comment or do an interview with me?
A: I like you. I really do. But as glib as my ass can be, I can't help think that at the end of the day someone is definitely losing their job. Yes that someone stole my phone, but unemployment is never a good thing. Nor is seeming like a superior bitch on national television or your awesome publication.
Q: Do you do anything besides this awesome blog and Facebook albums?
A: Sometimes I produce TV shows. I may be producing another one at USA Network soon. A fine, fine network we all should watch and tell our friends about.
If you have a show you want me to produce, just let me know, I'm probably available. Preferably you've already set it up at a network and I'm just window dressing.
Q: Are you getting a show out of this?
A: Yes. Nelson and I are going to do a show together, scripted because that's classier. But we are going to play ourselves in the series. After leaving the boat he comes to stay with me and we learn a lot about laughing and living by being exposed to one another's worlds.
Q: Is it true you're naming your son Nelson?
A: No, but I think it has potential as a middle name. That or Disney Cruise if there are free passes in it.